Male Survivors | About the Groups

Core Values
Respect · Diversity · Empowerment · Community Service · Friendship · Integrity

What to Expect at the Groups
Groups are very nonformal. The groups revolve around the 12 Steps, but include discussion on the present experiences of survivors. Only first names are used at the groups in order to insure your confidentiality. Each survivor is allowed to set his own pace. Survivors are encouraged to share only when they are ready. Groups will begin with new member introductions (briefly stating one's name and what brings you to the meeting) and an overview of the program and recognition of member achievements. Following introductions, the group leader will assess with the survivors whether or not it would be more beneficial to talk about current concerns rather than having a topical discussion. Groups may cover catharsis of emotions, survivor stories, self-discovery, managing one's behavior and feelings, self-blame, relationships, effects of abuse on family and parenting, and self-esteem. The groups run about an hour and half to two hours per meeting and are followed by refreshments and socializing.

Treat others with respect and show empathy.
Try not to "cross-talk" (e.g., let someone finish talking before responding to them).
Give verbal warnings before you say something that could be triggering to another person.
Don't 13th step [using meetings for personal gain]
Please keep the meetings drug and alcohol free
Please avoid sexual joking or conversation that could be detrimental to other survivors.
Please do not repeat what you hear at the meetings.
Please keep cursing to a minimum

Resource Library
A resource library is being put together for survivors. These books, articles, and videos will be available for a two week period and can be requested at meetings. The library should be functional in a few months.

Group Schedules
Groups are expected to begin in January. Groups will available weekly. The exact schedule has not yet been determined, but we will update this section as changes are made. We are currently considering holding the following groups. The Male Survivors Group, A General Survivors Group (open to both sexes), A Friends and Family of Survivors Group, and a Gay and Lesbian Survivor Group.

Group Retreats
Male Survivors will have up to 4 outings per year. These retreats are an opporunity for survivors to deepen the friendships they've already began forming, to meet new survivors, and to continue treatment, combining friendship and fun with the principles of the groups and guest speakers. Possible retreats include camping, whitewater rafting, and climbing. Locations may be out of state, and client confidentiality will be taken into the utmost consideration. Updates will be available on the homepage and at the meetings.

We admitted that we were powerless at the time of the abuse and were not at fault, and that our present lives had become unmanageable.
Came to realize that our lives could be restored and that we did not have to remain powerless. We made a decision to take begin and take responsibility for our recovery, becoming survivors instead of victims.
Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves, beginning with our childhood, examining how the abuse affected us throughout our lives and in the present.
Confronted the gender myths and stereotypes that have devalued our personhood as male survivors and determined to move beyond them.
Allowed ourselves to fully experience and accept the event of the abuse and its consequences. We allowed ourselves to experience the feelings associated with the abuse.
Admitted to ourselves and to others our strengths and weakness. We began to accurately perceive ourselves, accepting ourselves for who we are and validating our existence.
Began to accept that we could change our attitudes, choices, feelings, and decisions. We continued to take responsibility for our lives.
Made a searching inventory of the relationships in our lives, including a list of all those who had hurt us. We identified what was done to us, and allowed ourselves to validate, own, and understand the resulting feelings. We examined our ability to trust ourselves and others.
Strived to prevent our relationships from being affected by the abuse we experienced and made amends, except when to do so would result in physical, mental, emotional or spiritual harm to ourselves or others.
Continued the process of self-discovery and recovery, making changes in our lives when necessary, and, recognizing and celebrating our uniqueness, became capable of self-fulfillment
Made a commitment to help other survivors through whatever means possible.
Determined to live at peace with ourselves and others, refusing to use our pasts as a crutch. We gave surety that we would continue to apply these steps in our lives.

A Word about Triggers
Triggers are very personal and may be related to any of the five senses (e.g., particular tones of voice or words, smells, tastes, a particular build or hairstyle in a person, or physical touch). They are unique to each person, and they can be either everyday events like performing hygiene in the mornings or more specific events like a violent scene in a movie. For many survivors triggers are commonplaces and can't be avoided. Triggers often diminish when survivors have confronted the memories and thoughts that those triggers resurfaced. Please be mindful of the things that you say at meetings and take note of how it is affecting those around you. Likewise, if someone triggers you, try to politely let them know and if you need some space feel free to take a break. - Thank you.



Home About Male Abuse Suggested Reading My Story Survivors Links Statistics and facts Myths Contact Info Guest Book Treatment Info About the Groups About Male Survivors	Core Values Respect · Diversity · Empowerment · Community Service · Friendship · Integrity What to Expect at the Groups Groups are very nonformal. The groups revolve around the 12 Steps, but include discussion on the present experiences of survivors. Only first names are used at the groups in order to insure your confidentiality. Each survivor is allowed to set his own pace. Survivors are encouraged to share only when they are ready. Groups will begin with new member introductions (briefly stating one's name and what brings you to the meeting) and an overview of the program and recognition of member achievements. Following introductions, the group leader will assess with the survivors whether or not it would be more beneficial to talk about current concerns rather than having a topical discussion. Groups may cover catharsis of emotions, survivor stories, self-discovery, managing one's behavior and feelings, self-blame, relationships, effects of abuse on family and parenting, and self-esteem. The groups run about an hour and half to two hours per meeting and are followed by refreshments and socializing. A Few Group Guidelines Treat others with respect and show empathy. Try not to "cross-talk" (e.g., let someone finish talking before responding to them). Give verbal warnings before you say something that could be triggering to another person. Don't 13th step [using meetings for personal gain] Please keep the meetings drug and alcohol free Please avoid sexual joking or conversation that could be detrimental to other survivors. Please do not repeat what you hear at the meetings. Please keep cursing to a minimum Resource Library A resource library is being put together for survivors. These books, articles, and videos will be available for a two week period and can be requested at meetings. The library should be functional in a few months. Group Schedules Groups are expected to begin in January. Groups will available weekly. The exact schedule has not yet been determined, but we will update this section as changes are made. We are currently considering holding the following groups. The Male Survivors Group, A General Survivors Group (open to both sexes), A Friends and Family of Survivors Group, and a Gay and Lesbian Survivor Group. Group Retreats Male Survivors will have up to 4 outings per year. These retreats are an opporunity for survivors to deepen the friendships they've already began forming, to meet new survivors, and to continue treatment, combining friendship and fun with the principles of the groups and guest speakers. Possible retreats include camping, whitewater rafting, and climbing. Locations may be out of state, and client confidentiality will be taken into the utmost consideration. Updates will be available on the homepage and at the meetings. Steps of Recovery Twelve Steps of Male Survivors We admitted that we were powerless at the time of the abuse and were not at fault, and that our present lives had become unmanageable. Came to realize that our lives could be restored and that we did not have to remain powerless. We made a decision to take begin and take responsibility for our recovery, becoming survivors instead of victims. Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves, beginning with our childhood, examining how the abuse affected us throughout our lives and in the present. Confronted the gender myths and stereotypes that have devalued our personhood as male survivors and determined to move beyond them. Allowed ourselves to fully experience and accept the event of the abuse and its consequences. We allowed ourselves to experience the feelings associated with the abuse. Admitted to ourselves and to others our strengths and weakness. We began to accurately perceive ourselves, accepting ourselves for who we are and validating our existence. Began to accept that we could change our attitudes, choices, feelings, and decisions. We continued to take responsibility for our lives. Made a searching inventory of the relationships in our lives, including a list of all those who had hurt us. We identified what was done to us, and allowed ourselves to validate, own, and understand the resulting feelings. We examined our ability to trust ourselves and others. Strived to prevent our relationships from being affected by the abuse we experienced and made amends, except when to do so would result in physical, mental, emotional or spiritual harm to ourselves or others. Continued the process of self-discovery and recovery, making changes in our lives when necessary, and, recognizing and celebrating our uniqueness, became capable of self-fulfillment Made a commitment to help other survivors through whatever means possible. Determined to live at peace with ourselves and others, refusing to use our pasts as a crutch. We gave surety that we would continue to apply these steps in our lives. A Word about Triggers Triggers are very personal and may be related to any of the five senses (e.g., particular tones of voice or words, smells, tastes, a particular build or hairstyle in a person, or physical touch). They are unique to each person, and they can be either everyday events like performing hygiene in the mornings or more specific events like a violent scene in a movie. For many survivors triggers are commonplaces and can't be avoided. Triggers often diminish when survivors have confronted the memories and thoughts that those triggers resurfaced. Please be mindful of the things that you say at meetings and take note of how it is affecting those around you. Likewise, if someone triggers you, try to politely let them know and if you need some space feel free to take a break. - Thank you.